How to con the whole world into believing you’re a top photographer!
1. Join as many flickr groups as possible, there are thousands to choose from.
2. Pick the groups where, when you post a photograph, you have to award comments to other peoples photographs (preferably between 3 and 5). This obviously gives your photograph a better chance of being commented upon. Other members of the group desperate to offload their awards will happily praise your out of focus holiday snap, especially if it means a quick dumping of comments and speedy move onto achieving their own goal of photographic fame. Remember they have a lot of groups to get around themselves so please don’t hold them back.
3. Pick the groups who award the biggest, flashiest, symbols…so that your pretty ordinary photograph appears as impressive and as highly thought of as possible. Giant stars and ribbons are quite de rigeur. You may feel you’ve won a prize for equestrianism but there’s nothing like a BIG ostentatious trophy hanging below your polaroid snap to demonstate how highly acclaimed it is.
4. Timing here is everything. To make your photo as world class as possible you want to make it look as if it has gained instant universal success. Post your pathetic excuse onto as many groups as possible…at the same time! This is a very simple operation using the flickr organiser. This ensures an instant mass audience.
Because of the quick turnaround of photographs on the front page of popular groups, you may have a window of less than 1 hour to make your pitch for fame. In less than 3 hours your photo will be dead and buried, so last week…toast…and will be nestling comfortably in it’s bath chair on page 4 (and dropping) never to be seen again!
5. Divide your groups into world time zones. Which market are you aiming for? Know your customers! If your target market is into things Scottish or perhaps furry animals then you had better wait for the US smaltz brigade… so post after 11pm. Guaranteed instant success. The europeans tend to be more stylised and also vote a bit like the Eurovision Song Contest…so don’t hold your breath.
6. So now you have a crap photo with 100+ heavily adorned plaudits dangling from its vitual frame. Not only that you now have numerous invites to post your piece of half baked kitch in another 1000 groups. You’re almost there.
7. This only leaves one thing still to do. Start up your own groups on a daily basis, each one offering multiple awards, thus ensuring your wonderful creation will never die and will be praised and exhalted for ever more…Amen!
So what’s the point of all this?
Buggered if I know!